“So Valentines is coming up.”
I glanced up from my phone to look at Chesh.
“Yeah it is.”
“Are we…doing something?”
We both know money is tight, especially with it being my birthday month, and family coming all the way up from Georgia to visit. And it’s not like you could easily pop down to your local shop for a bouquet of flowers. The closest store that sells flowers is over 40 minutes away.
“Let’s not. We don’t need more stuff, and we’re trying to keep better track of our money. Let’s not get pulled into the mayhem of it all. We’ll just do something extra special for our anniversary in April.”
Cheshire and I often joke that we celebrate Valentines the day after, when all the chocolate is on sale. Another traditional thing we’ve done on Valentines is watch a good action movie. Two years ago it was Deadpool. Last year it was John Wick 2. This year it’s Kingsman 2. And it’s perfect.
Now, don’t get me wrong! I love flowers and chocolate and getting all dressed up to go out to a fancy dinner. I love feeling fancy and pretty, and Valentines is a great excuse to do those things. BUT. That shouldn’t ever be my motivation for the holiday.
About a year ago, I wrote a blog post called “Love Is…” and talked about what real, honest, good love should be. I stand by everything I said in that post. Marriage to Chesh has been amazing, and I love him so so so so so so so much. But there are times when it’s hard to love him. There are times when I’m a hard person to love.
“…talking about how the best marriages happen when each person is giving their un-selfish 100% towards the other person. [The speaker] said, “Remember this: You are called, by God, to love him. But you are not called to be loved by him.” Talk about an ouchy, am I right? Everyone wants to be loved by their person. But when I think about it, whether or not Chesh loves me, shouldn’t change the fact that I love him 100%. And I do. When I marry him, I’m promising to love him through good things and bad things and loving him despite how he feels. Romantic love changes over time. In fifty years, we are not going to be the same people we are now. But that’s ok. That’s the exciting bit to life. We are going to grow and change and (hopefully) mature. Most importantly we are going to do it together. And I can’t wait.” -From the post Love Is…
When I wrote “Love Is…” so long ago, I was engaged and excited and paranoid and terrified. I had no idea what married life would be like, and was so scared that I would mess it up. what if I made mistakes and he got mad, or he realized he didn’t want to be stuck with me, or if, GASP, I burned dinner!?
It’s been almost a year now. And I’ve been thinking about our lives and their ups and downs and how far we’ve come from that wedding last April. Life is scary. Like, really scary. And doing it alone isn’t fun. If I had never met Chesh, and our lives had never been intertwined, where would I be now? Probably not in Michigan, that’s for sure. I am so grateful for everything my life has become. I’m thankful for Chesh and our life together. I’m thankful that we match each other so well. I’m thankful that we can laugh and joke and stay up late playing video games together.
Life with Chesh means screeching in his ear because his toes are cold. It’s Chesh tickling me and trying to blow raspberries on my neck because I’ve buritoed myself in all the covers. It’s babying each other when one of us is sick. It’s mutually laying on the couch discussing what to watch, but never actually watching anything. It’s throwing each other in snowbanks. It’s pinching each other’s butt when in public, and then pretending to not know anything about the pinch, “Must have been a squirrel…”
Life won’t be easy. It never is. But I know that life is better when we’re together, and that’s good enough for me. So bring it on!
P.S. Thanks for sticking through this post… I know Valentines Day isn’t the easiest for everyone. Hopefully my wedding photos at least made you smile a little ❤