I realize a while ago that I don’t like being told what to do. Being told to be quiet and just listen has never made me a happy pickle, and I hate the “it is because it is” answers. Being more aware of my stubbornness doesn’t always help me though, and I find myself questioning people’s methods all the time. I suppose there are good things and bad things to this, though usually I get into more trouble than I know what to do with. If only I could just go with the flow instead of thinking for myself.
There’s a comedian I enjoy listening to named Rachel Feinstein. If you look her up, I’m warning you now, she is far from “family friendly”. My favorite bit is from one of her shows where she goes off on a whole story about her nanny and her nanny’s dad. She imagines her as a girl where she was little and her father coming home one day. It goes a little something like this:
Papa: I hear you skirts want to work…in buildings with men?? I told you, you don’t need to work, you can stay home and make cupcakes and giggle. You like giggling, don’t you?
Nanny: It’s true Papa, we do want to go outside sometimes. It’s not just a nasty rumor, I’m afraid it’s true. Why, sometimes we get bored at home.
Papa: I told you if you get bored you can practice looking at a pretty pattern or doing a twirl. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Nanny: Yeah we twirled for a lot of hours, Papa. But I wanna go out and do something. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Me doing something! Come on Papa! No, Papa, I want to do something exciting. I mean sometimes I get bored. I know it’ll be hard outside, but I’d like to be a pilot. Imagine that, Papa! Me! Awww sure, it’d be scary, but let me try it!
Papa: Are you crazy? What’s next, you start wearing wristwatches and having opinions?
Nanny: Well then maybe I could be a stewardess. Imagine that Papa, me, a waitress on a plane! I’d like to try it. Come on, Papa, please let me try it…
Papa: Sounds like an opinion to me! Why don’t we take that on down to the old lobotomy factory and take a nice sweet chunk out of your brain…The talking back part.
Nanny: No, I don’t want to go to the lobotomy factory! Ever since Mildred came back, she’s useless! Now all she does is flap around and spit in the corner!
I laugh when I hear it, and the voices she does are hilarious. But it makes me think. Imagine if my stubbornness, my I’m-not-satisfied-with-your-answer-so-I’ll-keep-looking-for-one-myself-ness got taken away from me? Brought on down to the lobotomy factory to remove the talking back part. The think for myself part. The “I wanna do something exciting” part. What then?
I realize this all doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with my blog name or explaining the meaning behind it. But, I promise, if you hang with me for a sec, I’ll explain it to you.
When I was coming up with the name for my blog, I was trying to think of something creative that would catch people’s attention, and be something they would remember. I wanted it to stand out but also tell a little about who I am. Not much rhymes with Hannah, except for banana, a few made up words, and a couple US states. Not much to work with. In the end, I made a list of all the ones that were kind of functional.
My top favorites were:
- Partly Cloudy
- Sometimes I Do Stuff
- Sometimes I Put On Pants
I finally decided on Hannarchy for two reasons. Anarchy and Monarchy.
Anarchy is defined as a state of society without government or law. Monarchy is defined as a state or nation where the supreme power is held by a single person. The combined force of these two words (while being opposites) made sense to me. I’ve always been my own person, never a huge fan of the rules, and never a huge fan of being governed by them. Especially when the rules didn’t make sense. I know what I want (unless I’m ordering food at a restaurant) and usually go for what I want. Sometimes apologetically. And these things can be good! They drive me to do something out of the box and creative.
Unfortunately, with both of these words there comes a consequence. Anarchy never seems to last, as chaos rules and order is ignored. Living without boundaries or control can lead to a complete disruption of life. Monarchy can lead to a huge ego and a falsified sense of superiority. Knowing these things was important to me too. How better of a reminder than history to show what happens when anarchy and monarchy go bad? This it also is a reminder to myself.
If I become too enthralled with the idea of being unbound by the rules, or above them, I too can become another example of bad leaders in history. So where is the line? Where is the medium between the two extremes of my anarchist and monarchist tendencies?
The middle, I realized, is Hannah. Me. The girl who cares about people and about telling the truth. The writer, the artist, the lover, the fighter, the creator. The whole purpose of my blog was to write and tell the truth. Speak life into the mundane and shine light on pain. If I can combine the different aspects of who I am (anarchist, monarchist, and hannarchist), all while remaining true to myself, doesn’t that present a pretty clear picture of what I’m trying to do? I thought so.