Life · Lifestyle · Personal · Ramblings · Writings

Self Doubt & Other Things That Go Bump In The Night

I love to write. I always have, and I hope I always will. There’s something to me about being able to create a world that doesn’t exist. I can put whoever I want into that world (including myself), and anything can happen. Not only can I create worlds, I can also invite people into them. The biggest compliment you could give to my writing is that I made you laugh out loud, hurt with my protagonist, or maybe even cry in the end. I love that by piecing words together, I create a whole new universe that has the power to seriously mess you up. In a good way.

I love going back and re-reading what I’ve written. I always surprise myself and think, “You crafty devil, I see what you did there.” I love the emotion that comes from my writing. There are times when I’ve gotten so emotionally invested, I’ll cry as I read my own work. The reason is because I’ve pour my heart and my soul into my writing. To me, it is a work of art.

The worst, most terrible thing for any artist, no matter the medium, is self doubt. If you don’t know what that is, you’ve been blessed. Self doubt is that tiny little voice in the back of your head that wonders if you’ll ever be good enough.
“A rejection letter? Maybe my writing is no good after all.”
“She read that really fast and said it was ‘fine’. Just fine?”
“What if no one likes my blog post?”
“What if everyone is afraid to tell me how bad my writing is?”
“What if…?”

Let me stop right there. The “what ifs” are probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. And it doesn’t matter how many motivational ‘Hang in there!’ posters I have if my self doubt kicks in. Self doubt can burn my whole operation to the ground.

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The above picture is my desktop background. Each of the pictures represent something I care about that usually gets destroyed because of my own self doubt. I may have the creativity, the drive, the motivation, the master plan, but if I have a little bit of self doubt, all of the afore mentioned can come tumbling to the ground.

I started doing something a while back. I started saving rejection letters and criticism. Now, I don’t take rejection very well at all. I love people and I want people to love me back. My dream is for everyone who reads my work to think “Wow! What an amazing writer. She captures her thoughts into words so well.”  I realize that won’t happen every time, but it’s a hope. Getting rejection letters and criticism can sting, but if I let those things discourage me now, I’ll never reach my goals. Instead, I started looking at rejection and criticism as a way to grow. In a way, saving them gave them validity. It gave them space somewhere other than my junk inbox. It gave them a voice that said, “You aren’t there yet. How can you get better? Impress me.”

“Rejection letters are a healthy part of the process of writing. Stabilizing, even. They ground you, helping to at least tether your feet to solid ground. Stephen King collected rejection letters for years, tacking them to the cork board in his bedroom, starting at the age of thirteen. With each no, he knew he was one step closer to that yes.” Linda, Book Mama

Stephen King has a gorgeous list of 20 Rules for Writers. The top-most one on the list is this: 1. First write for yourself, and then worry about the audience. “When you write a story, you’re telling yourself the story. When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story.” 

I don’t know if you saw it, but the cover photo for this post is of a tiny piece of blue paper that I tacked to my mini cork board at work. Since I try and write during my lunch break, having it right there is a great reminder.

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Who are YOU writing for?

It’s a good question. If I’m writing for other people first and foremost, how can I ever be most true to myself? It’s like a painter who only paints requests from other people. It isn’t necessarily bad (especially if you’re doing it to pay the bills), but if you are so consumed with what other people think, you’ll miss out on the whole picture.

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P.S. If you are interested in Why I Write, check it out here.

5 thoughts on “Self Doubt & Other Things That Go Bump In The Night

  1. This post is lovely and relatable! I write for many of the same reasons you do and have the same issues. Self-doubt and self-criticism are two of my worst traits, and I battle them every day. Writing something for my blog and getting it out there are ways I combat those feelings.
    Also, being in environments where people understand the need for constructive criticism is a wonderful thing! I love taking writing classes because I feel people understand more about the process and what needs to happen for productivity and growth. There’s only so far I can go on my own, even doing my best with self-teaching. The point is, you have to keep writing no matter what. Writing is creation, and sometimes creations collapse, need tinkering, come out messes or masterpieces.
    You’ll never know if you don’t write! Keep up the good work!
    -Author S

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course! Though, you don’t just wanna hear what’s good or bad, you wanna hear what is it, and why do readers think that way?
        Thank you for all the likes and the follow! I’d love to hear some feedback from you!
        -Author S

        Like

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